FINDING or FINDING SATISFACTION with “THE ONE”

​Life is complicated. Relationships more so. As we get older, more informed, more versed in life experiences, and more complex, our expectations and needs of a partner become more complicated. Maybe this is why we should all meet our partner when we are ten years old. Dating when we’re young is fun and easy. When we’re 10, we just want to be able to sit next to someone we like. When we’re a teenager all we must know is that we have fun with our “person” and find them cute. And hopefully they treat us kindly. Simple as that. Then in our 20’s as we start the journey of self-discovery, we search for what may make us happy: Are they interesting? Smart? Do they come from a good home? Do they have goals? Are they willing to use birth control? In our 30’s we want to know: do they have those qualities and, are they emotionally stable; are they financially stable or working towards such? Do they have at least three letters after their surname? Do they treat their mother well? Do they have any sexually transmitted diseases? Do we have good sex? In our 40’s: Do we share the same values? Do they listen to me? Just how many exes do they have? Do they still have contact with their children? Have they ever been arrested? Do they have ambition? In our 50s: What are they cooking for dinner? Do they know where the trash is? Which side of the bed do they need? Are they a morning or night person? Do they have their own friends? How many times a week do I have to watch football? How many times a year are my in-laws coming over? Do they own a sports car? Are they going to a weekly poker game? Are they really traveling for work? Have they saved for retirement? In our 60s: Am I going to be a caregiver? Are they still able to travel? Do we have the same vision for retirement? Am I in the will?
How do you know if we’re with the right person? Or if we made the right choice? Does our relationship look similar to what is socially constructed through media? The grass is always greener syndrome. What am I sacrificing to be with this person? How does this person enhance my life? How much compromise is necessary? Do they complement me? Do we have the same interests? Different interests? How come my relationship doesn’t look like Mr. & Mrs. Brady; Dr. Huxtable & Claire; Ross & Rachel; Chuck & Blaire; Beth & Randall?
One lesson I have learned over time is that we are not going to find every desired quality in one person. Maybe we should get back to the basics: Do I want to spend a lot of my free time with them? Do we laugh? Am I my true self with them? Are they my confidant? Is this the person with whom I want to share life experiences? Do I feel safe, cared for, loved?
What’s important to you and what may you need to find common ground between what do I deserve and what is realistic?

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