ON BEING MISPERCEIVED

Sometimes we can’t control how we are perceived. Often actually. Let’s acknowledge that we all want to be liked, to be thought of well, to be understood, and to be received in the way we intend to communicate. And based on our behavior, actions, and character, we can influence that to a point. Must everyone like us? Can we accept that we may not be for everyone? There may not be anything we can do about that. And that should be the first angle of taking the pressure off of you. Now, with loved ones, being perceived as our own reality – the way we perceive ourselves – and to be understood, is essential. We are invested in these relationships, and when conflict arises, we want to be fully understood and for ​our intentions to be fully received.
When I feel inflamed by a loved one who misunderstands me or my intentions, I want to correct their "mis" perception. I believe that is a normative response. Personally, I become very heated at the idea of being misperceived. What if we shifted our lens and adopted a new one that infuses empathy for the other person’s misconception? In other words, if they have a negative perception of you, it is they who have had to live with their negative thoughts. Consider this: I’m sorry they had to sit with that; that they had to think of you like that. What is being inferred? You’re not anything like they thought. This must have brought them distress. And now they can sit with that.

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