TAKING THE REINS

Conforming to what other people want or need… it doesn’t work. It cheats you of your own needs, and it cheats you of control. It cheats you of an identity. It cheats you of knowing your value. It sure can feel easier sometimes doing what others want/expect/need/ in an attempt to ward off rejection. Why do you often conform? Is it acceptance you seek? Love? Admiration? A desire to fit in? Because you are unsure? Because you aren’t good at making decisions? Because you feel obligated to make other people happy? Because you don’t want to disappoint? Because you are scared of anger, even your own?
What if you shifted your thinking around your fears with one simple idea: You don’t have the power to change someone else’s perception of you or their response to you. Oddly, you’re trying to control things by conforming. And it can be draining, even debilitating, trying to do so. Whether it’s college choice, choice of college major, career, an activity, joining an organization, or even the location of a vacation. Literally or through conforming behavior, don’t say to anyone else, “wherever or whatever you want”.
Take control instead of giving it away. This doesn’t mean never giving in. It’s about knowing your worth. It’s about being true to yourself.  It’s about being authentic. It’s about choosing you. Go ahead, you’re allowed. And get used to it, which may mean being uncomfortable until doing what you want becomes more comfortable. This ties into my previous blog titled “Changing others; Changing yourself”. As social workers, we are taught to treat others with dignity and worth. That doesn’t mean we have to be last in line. As with most things, if you want to model behavior for someone else, you have to be able to do it yourself first.

---