EMBRACING DIFFereNCES

8/1/2023

How do you feel about differences? I mean, really feel? I know we are prone to say that we welcome any and all - but do you really feel that? Believe that? I want to challenge you - to consider the biases you hold. Without judgment. But it’s a reality. We all have them. And I’m not exempt. So, as with many things, the first piece of the process is self-reflection. And then acceptance. It doesn’t make us bad people. It’s just a tradition, a part of our culture, that has been embedded in us from day one: to “other”. This is about treating someone or a group of people who are different in some way as though they are “less than”. Othering is based on how we perceive and treat those who are viewed as being part of the in-group versus those who are seen as being part of the out-group. We may not be aware that these are based on our unconscious assumptions but our American culture continuously reinforces the idea that difference is not ok. We should conform: look alike, dress alike, think alike, have the same abilities, etc.
Think about your ability to accept those who look different than you (skin tone, style of dress); think differently than you (religion, politics); have different skills than you (work, education). Now that you may agree that you do have these thoughts (again, we all do), what do you want to do about it? How will you begin to address this? Do you feel ready? Do you feel a responsibility to work on this? People are judging you as well. Don’t we all want acceptance? But I would like us to go beyond acceptance - though that’s a first grand step! The place I envision is being able to embrace difference: wanting to learn more about it. Asking is ok! Be curious. Welcome discussions. Welcome others asking you about your difference and feel pride rather than defensive. Don’t shy away from relationships with folks who look different than you; move towards them. Take risks. Put yourself in new situations. Talk to folks you ordinarily wouldn’t. Open your world.
If you want to learn more on the topic of diversity, check out podcast episodes #36 & #41.

13 Comments

Leora Keehn

12/3/2023 02:09:52 pm

The topic of differences can be very complex and is often an uncomfortable conversation. As social workers, we all want to accept differences and we all preach that we do. However, when really thinking about this topic, many different things come to my mind. Growing up very differently from my peers at school and all of the different people I work with at field, this is a topic I often think about. Will my clients view me differently or will my peers look at me differently? When thinking about how I would introduce myself, I always considered that being white and Jewish is very much part of my identity. Being that I am a religious Jew, I dress differently than most of the people I interact with in school and at field. In addition, I am one of the only white people at my field placement. This makes me different and often think about how my clients or co-workers would perceive me. Acknowledging that I am different and I grew up very differently, makes me want to be extra vigilant to accept everyone for who they are, no matter their differences. I want to expand my knowledge of populations I am not familiar with and learn many knew things. I believe that it is my responsibility to do this and welcome differences with pride.

Amy Meyers

12/4/2023 10:44:20 am

Thanks for being open about your own differences, Leora. Your own lived experiences sensitizes you to the difference of others. Glad to hear you are going to take responsibility to learn more. How will you go about that?

Alyssa Trousdell

12/4/2023 10:11:57 am

I liked this post, I felt like it was moving and informative. I definitely feel like in the past I’ve been more biased than as I am now. In recent years I’ve gained more awareness of individuals' indifferences and been more open to learning about diversity in gender, race, religion, beliefs, and more. Even thinking back on taking Diversity last year, I did not have the knowledge or understanding of the hardships many individuals and groups face and it changed my perspective. While I do feel accepting of others' differences, I do feel like at times I’m internally judgemental or biased so I’m working on that. I think it’s important for everyone to be educated on biases and understanding diversity to help enhance acceptance.

12/4/2023 10:48:34 am

It's good to be self-aware, Alyssa. And as I often say, we are works in progress, so it's ok to keep working on understanding on what your biases are based.

Samantha Barcia

12/7/2023 10:39:55 am

As we go through life we have plenty of bias. I am very aware of my bias and have be open to try to figure out where the bias is coming from. I have learned that at times I have been very influenced on what people are saying about a specific race, gender, and age. After taking a diversity class and being open to learning I realized it is important to work through my biases. As of right now I feel my biases don't impair my judgement on people as they did previously because I feel I have used self reflection and did my own exploring. As for acceptance that is something I find challenging because I am always a person who feels as if someone may be judging me based on my external appearance. Often times I get mistaken for a race that I am not and I always wonder if people have bias towards me based on their assumptions of me before getting to know me. I often wonder if this is because sometimes I make internal judgements about others before getting to know them. This is something I am working on because I often feel as if I know what others are thinking about me when in reality I don't know.

Amanda

12/7/2023 02:44:38 pm

When I am faced with differences, I feel a sense of discomfort. I feel uncomfortable at first when faced with differences because there is a lack of understanding from my end. During my time away from school, I assisted my friend in her pharmacy delivery job in Long Island. As someone who was born and raised in Queens, Long Island terrified me for a while because of the assumption I had that Long Island was racist and I had little understanding of it. I assumed that Long Islanders would be less accepting of me due to race and a possible assumption of socioeconomic status. So, I decided that I was going to challenge myself and deliver packages for her to Long Island residents to better understand Long Island and attempt to change my predisposed belief. After doing this for a few months my belief on Long Island completely changed as I understood Long Island more. The residents that I interacted with were very nice and I was able to get over my fear and previous assumptions that I had due to the difference between Queens and Long Island. There are differences, but it just took some understanding and exposure to it to get comfortable in that difference. In this instance I assumed that when I showed up to these Long Island customers’ doors that I would be the one viewed as “less than”, but that was not the case.

Before this experience, I would say my ability to accept differences was very undeveloped due to anxiety about how people would see me. After this experience, I would say I am more ready than before but there is still work to be done of course. As someone who will be interacting with people with all different kinds of backgrounds, issues, and personalities, yes, it is my responsibility to constantly work on accepting difference. What I would want to do about it is the same thing I did with my feelings of difference of Long Island, expose myself to that difference and gain an understanding of it, even additional research as well could contribute to the improvement. Also, as the blog post stated, asking questions and having discussions to better understand differences can greatly benefit me in expanding my knowledge on it. I can say I am more open than I previously was, but there are other differences and populations that I have not been exposed to yet. I would say my next challenge is teenagers because they scare me a little. I will most likely come across this population in my career, and it is a population that I will have to understand more and learn to be comfortable with.

Now, when I come across differences, there is a sense of curiosity along with a decreased sense of discomfort and fear, but now I am more willing to approach it, unlike before where I would most likely avoid it due to anxiety. I am more open to taking risks and being in new situations, but there is way more room for improvement. I would say research, getting informed, and exposure to the difference has helped me.

Adriana Sevilla

12/10/2023 10:37:01 pm

Coming from an immigrant family and firsthand seeing the differences and realities faced by those who are not from this country has been impactful. The impact of this has caused me to be more accepting of people who look and are different than me because I want everyone to feel included and have a voice. This is easily said by someone like me who grew up in a generation where racism was beginning to be looked down upon and the first president I saw go into office was black. I still remember watching the president get inaugurated into office in my trailer room classroom in 2nd grade at Hempstead Public Schools. Yet I have observed people from my own community and family members who are racist toward other people of color. I am not sure if this has to do with regaining their power and exerting onto others or simply the fact that they want to fit in with the rest of the country or it might be to feel superior but racism in the Hispanic community is widely seen and I think should be strongly frowned upon. I find it challenging to address this because it is not easy to admit that your kind can be racist to other minorities while also being a minority.

12/11/2023 10:48:25 am

A very authentic experience, Adriana; and, a valid question that you raise. We all have biases and strive to manage them, and we all find it hard to acknowledge those: It is important to understand where they come from, and as you said consider the purpose it serves to hold these perspectives.

Angelina Sanchez

12/10/2023 11:09:45 pm

If I'm being honest I find it difficult to allow such differences that close to me. Growing up my mentality was always to be surrounded by people who were like-minded and had relatively the same upbringings, values/morals, and perspective I did. My mom always used to say you will attract your kind of people, and you will gravitate to your kinda people. That is not that much different than my reality right now because I am friends with all the qualities I listed above. While I have chosen to be close to people who think like me, dress like me, and act like me does not mean I haven't been surrounded by people who aren't all like me at all because trust me...I have. I will admit it is difficult but at the end of the day, I do see it as a challenge to grow or be more open-minded. Does this person think like me? Not really. Do we have the same skills? Nope. Do we have the same political stances? Absolutely not. Well then we are just two very different people and that is okay. Take siblings for example, I have two younger sisters: Sabrina and Genesis. While we may be sisters we couldn't be more different from each other from the way our personalities are to the way we dress. Accepting differences can be challenging but the truth is we were made with all sorts of uniqueness and abilities and the world would be quite boring if we were all the same.

Diana Guzman

12/11/2023 12:07:03 am

When I think of differences, I think of a melting pot, the United Nations. My naive thinking would love to believe that everyone is accepted no matter their difference, but I know that is not our reality. As a woman of color who has experienced racism, It is important to me to treat others with respect, and dignity and I wanted to treat them the way I would like to be treated. The diversity course I took at Molloy made me self-aware of my own biases. Taking this course taught me the importance of being aware of my biases. It challenged me to critically reflect. After taking this course I understand the importance of continuing to reflect on my biases. It taught me that I need to be open-minded to learn from others' differences which will allow me to be culturally humble so I can fully engage with clients and provide inclusivity. I understand that cultural humility is a lifelong learning journey. I feel am am responsible for working on this if I want to be part of change and if I want to support and empower clients and the people around me.
In the article, Ebonnie Vazquez was able to create a safe platform for students that became more than just a check-in. As she stated out of a bad situation, good things came out of it. It resonated with me when she said "The murder of George Floyd united us, but Zoom connected us".
That's powerful! She was able to unite and connect students from both campuses via Zoom to share their feelings and what they were going through. Ebonnie Vazquez is setting an example of what it means to embrace differences, learn from others, and advocate/activate for social change.

12/11/2023 10:53:14 am

The melting pot term was actually coined in the early 1900's and what happened is that rather than immigrants maintaining their culture and identities, they had to assimilate to fit in. I hope in this era, we would like what has been termed a "salad" whereby people maintain their identities and differences are embraced.

Leila Fatscher

12/11/2023 10:40:26 am

Thinking about the biases that we have is hard work. I think a lot of people in our society place shame on others for having biased views and perceptions of other people. I am not saying that it is okay to have these preconceived judgements towards someone however, when we shame and neglect to educate people on the importance of self reflection, we tend to shut out an opportunity to unlearn these biases. Yes, it is uncomfortable to look at ourselves and admit that we have unconscious judgments that affect how we view others. For me I was always afraid of identifying my biases because I didn't want to consider myself a bad person. In reality we all have biases and admitting you have them is the first part of unlearning them. For me I do have a bias towards men. It sounds weird even me typing it out however, I grew up in an all female household where my mother placed an emphasis on being alert around men. She grew up in a neighborhood that wasn't the safest and always taught us as women to be very alert. Although she had the best intentions and valid reasons, these warnings have now caused me and my siblings to be weary of men that we see in the world. Particularly men that are bigger and have a more angry facial expression. I recognize a lot of the times men don't really want to bother me and aren't really targeting me down. Although as a woman, I have had my fair share of inappropriate and unfair experiences with men, I don't think that warrants me to walk around believing every one I see is out to get me. So, I have started to unlearn these biases. For one, I have male friends in my life who are great examples to me of respectful and kind men. I also ask myself when making these judgements if it is something I would think towards a woman. Would an "angry looking" facial expression on a man be blown off as a RBF if it was a woman?" When I make a judgment on a man I will continue to ask my self these questions to evaluate if my thoughts are based on bias or on an actual interaction that I had with that person.

12/11/2023 10:59:33 am

Such a great post, Leila. I love the idea of admitting one has biases is the first part of unlearning them. So true. But, as you say, first you need to get past self-blame and judging oneself for having biases. What impressive steps you have taken to address your imposed view of men, good for you!

EMBRACING DIFFereNCES

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