Gift giving and receiving

12/16/2022

Receiving gifts from clients is often awkward…for me. How do you feel about it? Is it welcome? Is it deserving? Do you feel you know you shouldn’t accept it, but are not sure why? Does it depend on what it is? It sure is tempting to accept that gorgeous piece of jewelry! As I always ask, is there something we can learn from the gesture? Now, many may think I’m reading too much into it. But I believe, without “over”-analyzing, that gifts are meaningful. I see it as a form of communication. Can you inquire what the process was for the client in thinking through the choice of gift? Now, we have to be careful with this because we don’t want to reject or hurt the client. Assume it is well-intentioned! Don’t be suspicious. Be curious. You can even inquire with humor or playfulness. I would suggest that we can learn much about someone and his/her choices. What may the gift represent? Is it simply an act of gratitude? The client may want to show their appreciation for your good work. Could it be that he/she feels they owe you something? We don’t want to encourage that. And, if that’s the case, we may be able to learn that the client is showing you how they operate with others outside of the relationship with you. So rather than promote this sense of obligation, we want to help the client with that feeling that they have to “pay back” someone for what they may have received (in whatever form, ie: love, caring, empathy). What if it’s a silent collusion - I give you this gift, and in return, you don’t push me to address painful things. How can you now confront a client who has expressed their gratitude/love for you?! As long as you don’t let the gift get in the way of that, then let your conscience guide you.

An important question: can the client afford what they have presented to you? You want to be careful here. A small token is completely fine and acceptable. It’s the expensive gifts you should consider.

Some clinicians may not be aware of how they themselves feel about gifts. Self-reflect. And, always consider your countertransference. Do you love to receive gifts? Will that draw you in to accepting one? Does it make you uncomfortable? Will that drive you to reject it? The answer?: Always know the meaning (as best you can) to the client if you accept or reject. Will accepting or rejecting do more harm than good? WHO is it serving? Let that be your guide! As with most interactions with clients, and interpretations to clients, know first its intent to the best of your ability.

Want to learn more about this topic? Tune in to my podcast "What Would Dr. Meyers Do": Episode 9 "To Tell the Truth" (release date 12/20/22).

5 Comments

Alyssa Trousdell

3/18/2024 12:59:08 pm

I found this blog post to be very interesting and insightful. I feel like we don’t fully consider how gift receiving from clients makes us feel until it happens. I found it interesting that the blog said “A small token is completely fine and acceptable. It’s the expensive gifts you should consider.” I had always thought all kinds of gifts were unacceptable, regardless of the price and effort put into it. What does a small token mean exactly and at what point does the constant receiving of those ‘small tokens’ become inappropriate? If I was to receive a gift from a client I think I would feel very caught off guard and not know how to initially react with the thought of wanting to show appreciation but also be professional. In my field placement, my client is working on losing weight. I offered to buy him a pair of weights to use at home and when I informed my supervisor of this she told me this is not allowed. While I understand why I couldn’t buy him the weights, I definitely don’t think the client would’ve received any wrong intentions by me giving him the weights. This experience did teach me to be more mindful of gift giving and receiving because when I initially told my client I’d buy him weights, I didn’t even consider if it was appropriate or not. I definitely agree with the blog post if you’re receiving a gift to consider what the gift means and may represent, whether it’s a simple act of kindness or a way to gain your affection, which we don’t want.

Samantha Barcia

3/20/2024 02:41:55 pm

I feel this blog had a lot of insights to consider. I feel like receiving gifts is always exciting and sometimes I do not put much thought into why I may have received the gifts. I think it might be hard for me to not accept a gift when presented with one because that could be seen as rude. You raised an important thought on what the gifts may mean to your clients and the purpose behind why they feel like giving you one. I feel like most people give gifts typically during holidays like Christmas or as a thank you for working with someone for so long. It is challenging for me to accept an expensive gift from anyone whether it be my client or family. However gifts are not something I expect to receive from anyone. I would be happy to receive a simple thank you for my acts of service for my clients. I believe that gift giving may occur when I am terminating from my internship especially because I work with kids and they may feel like they’d want to give me a gift. When reading the article, Challenging Endings: First Year MSW Interns’ Experiences with Forced Termination and Discussion Points for Supervisory Guidance, “The problem with post-termination contact is determining when to ‘‘draw the line.’’ (Pg 86) This quote I found helpful because sometimes clients can talk about giving gifts like for example make you cookies and you’d have to be stern on your response on why I may not be able to except that. Overall I find it very challenging to address why I can not receive gifts and the reasoning behind it.

Adriana Sevilla

3/22/2024 08:38:02 pm

Gift giving and receiving has always been my favorite way to show love or be shown love and that may be because of the way I was brought up but to me, a gift can mean so many things and often I have to refrain from gifting people. However, professionally I always thought it was a big no-no because it may blur the line between professionalism and developing a healthy alliance with a client. Reading this blog post I resonated with accepting a ‘small token’ since it reminded me of my client. Recently, after ending the meeting with my client she began to gift me with a snack-size trail mix because she noticed I had granola on my desk and she told me that she thought I might like it. I found this to be rather thoughtful and considerate and it warmed my heart because I never expected anything. Since reading 'Challenging Endings: First Year MSW Interns’ Experiences with Forced Termination and Discussion Points for Supervisory Guidance' I was able to get a glimpse of guidance surrounding the relationship between my client and me as an intern and how in a way this brings a sense of reciprocity between her and I. My client might feel that when she is there I talk to her, advocate for her, assist her, and offer her toiletries and food and this might be her way of showing appreciation. Although we both may be appreciative of each other it is important to keep in mind that we are both gaining something out of the relationship and at the same time learning from each other.

Amanda

3/24/2024 06:51:18 pm

This bog post actually related to something that happened at my internship. My client had offered me a favor rather than a gift that did make me uncomfortable, but it came from good intentions and a gesture of gratitude. My response was to thank the client for their gesture but kindly refused because it did feel uncomfortable. I did not overanalyze the situation too much because from working with the client, he tends to do kind gestures for other people, so in this situation it was just the client attempting to do a well-intentioned gesture.

This blog post is helpful for my work with future clients in evaluating the deeper meaning of receiving gifts, whether that is their way of showing gratitude or they want to express their kindness by giving something to someone. I also understand that it is important to keep in mind the client’s reaction to rejection because it could make them feel bad too. I think stating to the client that you are not allowed to accept gifts would be a good response because it would not seem like it is you who is rejecting the gift, but you are not allowed to so that way the client’s feelings will not be hurt either, such as the expensive gifts that were mentioned in the post.

I agree that self-reflection and reflecting on the client’s intention as well are important to determine whether to accept gifts or not. I agree that analyzing all the factors to determine whether accepting the gift will do more good than harm for the client is important. Like for example, if the client has issues with rejection, what do you do in that case because rejecting the gift could trigger the client’s feelings of rejection, so will accepting the client’s gift do more good than harm and would it be beneficial to the client? I think if the gift is small, I would accept it because I would not want to trigger those feelings of rejection within the client but if it were a bigger gift I would address with the client that I cannot accept it because I am not allowed to so that I could also not trigger the client’s feelings of rejection. I think blog posts are a great guide to reference when faced with difficult situations that require in-depth thinking and reflection.

Angelina Sanchez

3/26/2024 10:57:45 pm

I personally love receiving a gift from others and giving gifts to others. A small gift from a client to me reads that they are showing a piece of their gratitude or thankfulness towards me as a professional for the impact I had on them. The article that we read titled "The Importance of Closure" stated, "Social workers can be too humble sometimes. Let clients take the time to tell you about the impact you have made in their lives". As professionals sometimes we hate the spotlight or the attention that comes when someone highlights something great we have done. I think it is okay to embrace all attention and spotlight, not in a boastful way of course. In a way that just recognizes that we are actually good at what we do. As Alba said in the podcast, I would not want to turn down a gift or gesture because I wouldn't want to come off as rude. Granted as Christian said, I would be cautious in that the gift didn't have any "strings" and I would hope that there was good intention behind the gift. If it wasn't coming from a pure place then I believe that is the only time I find it necessary to turn down the gift.

Gift giving and receiving

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Gift giving and receiving

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