WASTED ENERGY WORRYING

5/11/2023

So many of us are “worriers”. And if you’re not a worrier, I’m sure you have worried about various situations, circumstances, or people. There is often cause for worry - and it may be important to be worried because that can motivate action to problem-solve. However, there are also those who can be consumed by worry, or even create their own worry. I find that when there are risks involved, and usually risk to your own ego, we expend a lot of energy worrying and fearing the outcome of our risk-taking. We feel vulnerable. For example, I do a lot of public speaking which I have learned is the #1 fear in America. So we can take some comfort in knowing we are not alone in this fear! Over the years with a lot of practice and nerves still in play, I became less and less worried about the anticipation of what “could” happen. First, I had to confront my insecurity and lack of confidence but this is something I had to tolerate while I was in the midst of numerous presentations. I knew my reaction or anticipatory anxiety was largely due to feeling inadequate, but I also knew that this was going to take time to work out. And I didn’t have time, because the pressures to present - either self-created or through work expectations - didn’t allow for time. I had to sit with my own discomfort - and it was a lot of discomfort. I did realize that after a few times, it got easier to stand in front of an audience. But what hadn’t yet been addressed was the tremendous amount of time I put into preparation. I believed that the more I prepared, the more I would have a grasp of the material and the more that would increase my confidence. And that was certainly true. What it didn’t help with, was the fears around how the audience would receive me. Many of my clients and students report similar feelings. After much observation, of myself, and many other folks, I realize that a lot of worry is “wasted”. On the one hand, it can propel you into embracing risks and feeling the success of working hard to combat a feeling and gaining recognition. On the other hand, maybe it doesn’t have to take over one’s emotional energy to the point of inducing one’s OWN anxiety. Think about something that brings you much worry. Perhaps something consistent (as opposed to a real life situation that warrants such).
Are you a glass half-full person? Are you half-empty? Recognize your general outlook and consider your thought patterns. Are you someone who catastrophizes? Or is your worry about your self-esteem?
There are several different types of negative thought patterns:

Black and white thinking. This type of thinking has no middle ground or gray. It’s all or nothing negative thinking. “I’m going to fail”
Overgeneralizing. There is one negative experience and it’s going to hold true every time. “I failed the assignment, I’m never going to graduate”.
Focusing on the negative and ignoring the positives. Focus is on all the things that went wrong rather than the positive aspects of the strengths you possess. It’s believing that you are all bad when you have one imperfect incident.
Undoing the positives. “She just told me I’m smart because she has to, she’s my mother!”
Catastrophizing. Thinking about the worst case-scenario. “There is traffic. There must be a fatal car crash”.
Shoulds and shouldn’ts. Having a strict sense of right and wrong or ways of behaving. There is no room for flexibility or pleasure. “I danced all night. I probably won’t be able to function tomorrow”.

Whichever the case, it’s important to:

Try deep breathing. It really does work. Mindfulness and meditation practices too.
Actively interrupt your worrying. Rather than allowing yourself to get sucked into it, intentionally distract yourself. We tend to embrace it because it’s familiar. But you need to break the cycle.
Remind yourself of the positive feedback you have received from folks.
Ask yourself what evidence do you have that the outcome will not be good
Journal and challenge your thought pattern. Remember ABCD.
1. identify the Activating event (what is causing the worry)
2. identify your Belief about the event
3. identify your belief about the Consequence of the event
4. Dispute the consequence (what evidence do you have for “C”)

We expend so much energy on things we can’t control, and things that often turn out OK. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

6 Comments

Samantha Barcia

2/5/2024 02:38:08 pm

After reading this blog I did a lot of self reflection. I resonated with the sentence, "there are also those who can be consumed by worry, or even create their own worry. " This resonated with me because I often find myself creating my own worries. I am an over thinker and often over think situations that shouldn't even need to be over exaggerated. This causes me a lot of worry trying to "predict" an outcome that may not even happen. As I self reflect I find it important that I try not to think of what the outcome could be when I have to do something that makes me nervous. As someone who's very quiet in class or big meetings I often find myself contemplating if I want to share my thoughts, knowledge, and reactions because I fear a negative response. What I am learning is living in fear or worrying about an income will not help me in life if anything it will just hold me back. One thing I am learning from many people is to put myself out there more and try to get the negativity out of my head. So many people see potential in me and want me to share more of who I am. I won't be able to do this unless I start at the root of my problems which is overthinking and trying to predict an outcome whether its negative or positive.

Alyssa Trousdell

2/5/2024 07:30:05 pm

I often find myself someone who’s consumed by worry and create more worry than is necessary. I’m typically the person that overthinks and unintentionally creates a lot of anxiety for myself. I think this is because I tend to worry about the ‘bad’ that could potentially happen. While I do think of myself as a ‘glass half full’ person, I can’t help but feel anxious in many situations in my life. Lately, I noticed I tend to worry/have a lot of anxiety when I’m in a crowded environment with a lot of people I don’t know. As mentioned in the blog post, I learned to navigate different ways that help me calm my anxiety and worry. For example, learning deep breathing strategies and journaling have been beneficial. Attempting to distract your worrying and reminding yourself of positive feedback is also a useful way to help calm worrying thoughts. I agree a lot of worry is wasted because many of the negative things we think about or interpret, don’t even end up occurring so all the worrying was for nothing.

Adriana Sevilla

2/11/2024 12:47:12 pm

I always found the phrase "stop blaming your parents for how you turned out" off-putting not because people should not take accountability for their mistakes but because your childhood shapes and continues to influence you as an adult. Growing up in a household where mistakes were not allowed to happen I am extremely hard on myself and tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positive. I am still learning that it is important to have self-awareness and take accountability for your own demise but not diminish the fact that your upbringing can still peek through as an adult. Often I find it challenging to control my negative thought patterns as it affects me both mentally and physically. My anxiety, fears, and worries have robbed me of many positive experiences. In the past, this has caused me to find coping mechanisms that led to even more self-destruction. As a social work student, I am grateful to have learned that to help others, you have to first learn how to help yourself first. Although this is easier said than done there have been many instances in my internship where my client has shared vulnerable moments with me and I find myself giving advice that I should also apply to myself. As I continue my education and career I am more determined and committed to learning how to give myself the grace and humility I offer to others and extend it to myself as I process and navigate these complex emotions without the need to shut down.

Amanda

2/11/2024 01:32:36 pm

I found the blog post, “Wasted Energy Worrying”, very insightful and helpful. I definitely relate to the fear of public speaking and presenting because I always hated going up in front of people and talking. My fear stemmed from the way that I spoke because I would stumble on my words and the words just did not come out right. I realized that my overthinking was the cause of me stumbling on my words because I would think about everything I would say before I said it. If I had went into the presentation in a more relaxed manner and just spoke, I probably would have done better than overthinking everything I was saying and giving into the excessive worrying.
I agree and resonate with the part of the blog that stated, “a lot of worry is wasted” because if whatever has to get done needs to get done regardless, like a presentation, might as well go into it in a relaxed manner than in a worrisome state. It is just adding more stress to something that needs to get done one way or another. Of course, that is easier said than done, but I found the 5 exercises very helpful to reduce excessive or unnecessary worry. I also find that chewing gum or candy releases anxiety for me as well because it distracts the mind for me.
I think getting over worry and anxiety is a process because it takes steps in building confidence, finding what works for you and what does not, sitting in the discomfort, and being kinder to yourself when things do not work out entirely right. My journey with public speaking is rough because I used to be really bad at it, like I used to shake and shutter when I had to present but now it is better but there is a lot of work that needs to get done with that. I would say a main factor as to why my anxiety was so bad before was due to seeing the glass half empty and black and white thinking in terms of always thinking I was going to do a terrible presentation before I even went up to present. Now I adapted the thought process of seeing the glass half full and whatever happens, happens.
I think informing and educating yourself on the various negative thought patterns can help a lot because it can allow you to improve your own awareness on how your own thought process is and maybe try to fix it. Most of the times people may not be aware of their negative thought patterns and it could lead to unnecessary worry. Like I wish I knew about the negative thought patterns in high school because it would have informed me of my thought patterns before a presentations and it could have maybe improved my excessive worrying and stress.

Leila

2/11/2024 09:05:59 pm

This blog post was a great reflection tool. It made me think of the ways I have been worrying this semester. Specifically last week I caught myself catastrophizing. I had missed an assignment and had so much work piled up along with my job and internship my mind went from missing an assignment to not being able to graduate. This caused me overwhelming amount of anxiety and stress. I do agree with the post that a lot of people deal with worry and these techniques provided are very useful. The sad part is a lot of people are never taught how to cope with worry in a healthy way. For me I think I will try to use the ABCD method this semester. I think it will really help me to identify my unhealthy patterns of worrying for things that I cannot control. The cycle of anxiousness is something I fall victim to over and over again. I think these techniques will be useful tools for me to try this semester to re focus on reality rather than worry.

Angelina Sanchez

2/12/2024 12:36:48 am

I think this blog post was very enlightening because it made me realize how much I let anxiety and worry occupy my mind. I am the type that tends to focus on the negatives and ignore all the positives. With this mindset, there are a list of bad things going for me than good ones and it can get exhausting feelings like all their is to my life is negatives. I enjoyed the tool provided at the end of the blog however, I will admit I would personally find hard to use once I feel my mind getting anxious or worrying. If anything, I'd hope to challenge myself that whenever I do find myself worrying, I would use that as motivation to problem solve or as it says "propel you into embracing risks and feeling the success of working hard to combat a feeling and gaining recognition."

WASTED ENERGY WORRYING

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